Requiem for a Dream - Thank you, D.A.R.E.

Requiem for a Dream

Director: Darren Aronofsky

Your mother needs you like a moose needs a hat rack. –Mr. Rabinowitz

Did you see who had the best seat? I’m somebody now, Harry. Everybody likes me. Soon, millions of people will see me and they'll all like me. I’ll tell them about you and your father, how good he was to us. Remember? It’s a reason to get up in the morning. It’s a reason to lose weight, to fit in the red dress. It’s a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow alright. –Sara Goldfarb

I love you, Harry. You make me feel like a person. –Marion Silver

I like how I feel. I like thinking about the red dress… –Sara Goldfarb

I dreaded watching this movie. The Netflix envelope sat on my floor for several weeks before I finally mustered up the nerve to watch it. I'd heard from multiple people that this movie was depressing – the most depressing movie many of them had seen – and I'd received many sympathetic looks when I mentioned it was on my list for this project. Going into it, I only had one concrete piece of information: it was about drug use and withdrawal. I actually read the blurb on the envelope for this one before starting the movie. I needed to know what I was up against.

Ellen Burstyn scored an Oscar nomination for her stunning performance as Sara Goldfarb, a widow whose growing dependence on amphetamines and the boob tube parallels that of her junkie son (Jared Leto), his gal pal (Jennifer Connelly) and his buddy (Marlon Wayans). An unnerving tour through the agonizing nature of addiction, this riveting indie drama also stars Christopher McDonald as the host of an odious self-help show.

So let's start with the acting. I can certainly see why Ellen Burstyn got an Oscar nod for her role: she was excellent. As a viewer, I felt for her character. Even when she's strung out on speed, you can't help but feel for her. Her addiction started innocently enough, with a visit to a doctor – who turned out, of course, to be a quack – in search of a way to lose weight. She wasn't looking for an addiction, which is actually even scarier than the illegal substance abuse in which the others are engaged. The other three main actors are convincing, too, and I feel like I'll have a hard time thinking of Jennifer Connelly in any other light.

For what it's worth, I thought the movie was perfectly cast and written. But the filming… that was what really got me. The way the scenes were shot and edited, and the way a series of 2-second vignettes served as a repeated plot trigger – the characters scored a fix: sniffed, smoked, swallowed their hit – was unnerving, and genius.

The first two-thirds of the movie, I felt like maybe I'd been oversold on the depressive quality of the film. It was dark and sad, sure, but I wasn’t overcome with despair. I felt I’d been taken on an increasingly crazier path of addiction and dependence. But I thought I was going to make it out unscathed.

And then I got to the final third of the movie. The last third made my stomach turn. Over and over and over again. I found myself curling up into a ball, biting my nails and sinking back into the couch as far away from the tv as possible. Many times I wanted to turn off the screen or at least shield my eyes. But I forced myself to watch on. I saw almost every minute… I just couldn't stomach seeing Harry stick the needle in his blackened and pus-filled arm. Even typing this, I feel queasy as the image of his arm flashes into my mind.

Watching each character's desperation lead him/her down roads no person should have to travel quashed my hopeful mood of not being touched by this movie. Being a woman, I think it was probably Jennifer Connelly's journey that pushed me over the edge. Watching what she was willing to put herself through to feed her need left me feeling as hollow as she must have. By the time the movie was over, I knew that I hadn't been oversold on the desolation of it… I was depressed.

My takeaway: There is no such thing as a quick fix or a free ticket – anything worth having (like a clean, happy, prosperous life or even a slimmer waistline), is worth taking the tough road to reach. And I will never, ever, ever partake in drugs not prescribed to me by a licensed physician who has taken the time to review my medical records, current health and future goals.